Proposition 8 Goes To Court. Here’s the Lay of the Gay Marriage Law.

Right now, contenders in California’s gay marriage smackdown are protesting outside of California’s Supreme Court. Why the drama?

Cali’s highest court began hearing arguments today about whether or not Proposition 8 (which bans same-sex marriage) has a straight leg to stand on.

Catch up on the controversy…

1. Prop 8 was a “ballot initiative” (a type of voting that lets citizens pass laws for themselves) that won in November by a narrow margin.

2. Before it passed, gay people could marry in California (and — shocker — the moral fabric of the state was not destroyed).

3. The campaigns for and against Proposition 8 raised over $80 million dollars, with cash coming in from the Mormon Church (pro) and Google (con).

4. After it passed, a bunch of lawsuits were filed with the state Supreme Court challenging its constitutionality. Three were accepted and arguments began today.

5. The lawyers defending gay marriage (and attacking Prop 8 ) are arguing today that the Constitution guarantees equal citizenship and that Prop 8 strips people of a “fundamental right to marry.”

–

WordUp

ballot initiative = a way to pass laws and amendments that allows voters to chime in on everything from gay marriage to education

By the Numbers

80 million = amount spent on Prop 8 campaigns

photo credit: LA times

Michael Jackson Returns: A Tour, Auction and Broadway Show.

You know that emptiness that’s been gnawing at you for years now? That kind of cold  place where your childhood went to die? No, not the Neverland Ranch, but close. We’re talking the death of Michael Jackson’s career.

Well, get psyched because Jacko’s back-o!

• News broke today that MJ will have 10 shows at London’s O2 Arena in July. He hasn’t released a studio album or played a full concert since 2001. His last World Tour ended in 1997. Still, Jackson is apparently healthy and submitted to a physical despite speculations that he’s too weak to perform. (What’s really weak is that he hasn’t made a decent song in ages.)
• Yesterday, the King of Pop sued an auction house in Ireland, where over 2,000 items from his Neverland estate were to be auctioned in April. He says he hasn’t approved every item on the inventory and some are “priceless and irreplaceable.” I bet some children want the irreplaceable things they lost in Never-neverland back too!
• A Thriller Broadway Musical? Thriller was the best-selling album of all time, but seeing how many pop-music-hit-turned-musicals have flopped in the past decade (re: Elvis, Beach Boys, Lennon, Dylan, and Cash), perhaps it’s better to let sleeping zombies lie?

America’s Top Model + Idol – What happened last night?

THIS IS POSSIBLY A RUNNING VISUAL GAG WITH A “DENIED” AND “THE HOTNESS” OR SOME SUCH TO DENOTE WINNER AND LOSER…LET’S DISCUSS! 🙂

America’s Next Top Model
The 2-hour kick-off to Season 12  dressed the girls up first as goddesses (but, um, the “goddess of friendliness?? Huh?), and then as little girls playing kiddie games like tug-o-war and ring-around-the-rosie. Way to empower the female.

Winner:
Allison, for her fearless double-dutch spread; she was prolly trying to get a nosebleed cuz she thinks they’re “really pretty.” Blood fetish is not hawt, but she won anyways.

Loser:
Isabella, whose lame-o dodgeball spread did not dodge the bullet of Tyra’s wrath. Thank gawd we don’t have to listen to any more of her whining about strobe lights setting off her epilepsy. 

American Idol
The semi-finalist round is over (except for tonight’s Wild Card-a-thon). Next week they compete old school, with one singer sent home after an emotional video tribute and being forced to sing through their tears. 

Winners:
1. Lil Rounds, duh. The mom of three tykes killed with Mary J. Blige. And then we got to hear her sing it again, yay. (Pictured below.)
2. Scott, who I guess I’m supposed to forgive for the Bruce Hornsby imitation because he is BLIND.
3. Jorge, who cried when Ryan delivered the news, because that is what he does.

Losers:
1. Nate, so no more boy headbands (see pic) or catfights with other contestants.
2. Kristen, who did not impress with her white-girl Tracy Chapman routine. Um, hello? When was that a good idea?
3. Ju’Not, who had to share all of his asthma stories with America and doesn’t even get to be a finalist. Bummer.

Wild Card Selections:
After bringing Felicia back from the dead after kicking off that Annie girl, she gets the hand again and doesn’t advance. What? Instead, after some cryptic last-minute decision making by the judges, we’re going to be tortured by hysterical Tatiana (pictured), at least for one more night.

* * *

Art:
Allison and Isabella from CW.com
Lil Rounds From Washington Post
Nate from americanidol.com
Tatiana from eonline.com

Questionable 911 Calls: McNuggets? Traffic? Lemonade?

The word emergency is certainly open to interpretation. Maybe a stab wound is causing your insides to leak out, or a drunk neighbor ran over your mailbox and dog.

Or maybe, if you are citizen with a slightly skewed sense of urgency, any inconvenience is cause for alarm. In which case, you should read these 9-1-1 caller tips, chill out, and figure out how to communicate with fast food employees rationally.

Here are some crazy 911 calls from this week:

• Florida’s Latreasa Goodman called 911 three times when her local McDonald’s ran out of Chicken McNuggets and the employee offered a McDouble in place of a refund. I guess when you need the nugs a hamburger isn’t going to do it.
• A Duluth man called 911 while fleeing from the police after stealing a car and gas. He told the dispatcher the cops weren’t going to catch him, that he’s a decent guy who wants to go to college but doesn’t have a support system, and that what he’s really seeking is normalcy. Normal must be one of those other words that’s difficult to define?

And in the vaults:

• In February, a Florida Burger King customer called 911 when BK ran out of lemonade. (What’s with Florida and fast food rage?) Police came to the scene, not to enforce lemonation but instead to arrest the customer for misusing the 911 system. You know what they say, when life gives you lemons…tada!
• In October, Joe McCain (John’s bro) allegedly called 911 to complain about traffic. After this call, he called back to complain about the message left on his answering machine, warning him that such use of 911 is criminal. Maveridiculous.

********

WordUp:

emergency= an unforeseen combination of circumstances or the resulting state that calls for immediate action, an urgent need for assistance or relief

By the Numbers:

500= Amount you’ll have to pay for each emergency response in a 12-month period if you’ve been charged with misuse of the 911 system three or more times in a six-month period.

Rihanna May Return to Chris Brown…And Everyone Hates Her.

With blogs hot and bothered with the possible reunion of Rihanna and Chris Brown, we’re distracted by the resulting anti-Rihanna backlash.

Headlines like “Rihanna: Role Model No More?” and “How Could Rihanna Take Back Chris Brown?” seem to punish her for making a questionable decision during a difficult time. Then there’s the implication that she’s somehow asking for it again…and that folks won’t be as sympathetic next time. After all, she’s somehow to blame.

But blame? Why have we stopped asking Brown why he hit her in the first place? Why has his alleged violence become about her weakness and failures as a woman?

What do you think of the backlash against her?

Mindnumbing Celebrity Headlines. Yes. They’re Real.

Admittedly, we pee ourselves with glee when celebs cheat on each other or fall face first into puke pools. But when they drink coffee or take out the trash? Um. Yeah. No.

Still, the celebusphere has become an alien altworld in which mundane things are press-stopping must-reads.

Here are some of this week’s “Hot” Headlines that leave us cold: 

“Hot” Headline: “Zac Loves Balls: Is Zac Efron suffering from a serious case of the bad hair blues?”

Apparently, Zac Efron wore a hat. Twice this week, even. I’m going on a hunger strike. Free the Follicles! “News”/Photo Credit: Perez Hilton

 

“Hot” Headline: “Natalie Portman Smooches Her Pooch”

Ooooh, panic at LAX! Someone call Animal Services on Natal-beastialit-ie! 

“News”/Photo Credit: Just Jared

“Hot” Headline: “A Kiss for Matilda Ledger”

A mother kissing her child at LAX! That’s freakier than an owner kissing her pet! (Btw, what’s with all the lip service at the Los Angeles Airport? Should we be trolling there for love?)

“News”/Photo Credit: Celebrity Baby Blog

“Hot” Headline: “Ed Westwick Had Some Lunch!”

Omigod, that’s so weird because I had lunch yesterday tooooo! “News”/Photo Credit: Celebrity Puke

Dork Dunks Cat In Bong. Pet High Jinks=Lame.

This creepy Nebraska man was charged with animal cruelty after putting his girlfriend’s cat in a makeshift bong to “calm” it down. Three times. Has he been rolling fatties with Sandra Herold, who put Xanax in attack-chimp Travis’ tea right before he ripped a woman’s face off?

Acea Schomaker was jailed and charged a $400 fine for his release. Drug charges  and a possible felony loom. Animal rights activists are outraged and we’re like, WTF. Sticking tiny 6-month kittehs in like, Death Bong 3000? It’s totally stoobs. Potheads may argue that sharing is love and it’s the thought that counts. But like, since when are stoner thoughts legit?

*****

Photo Credit: The Sydney Morning Herald

By the Numbers:

$400= Amount that was paid to release Schomaker from Lancaster County Jail

Britney Spears’ New Tour A “Circus,” Just Ask the Critics!

Britney, the girl we love to pity, coddle, hate, beat-up, and praise (all in the same day) is back on tour. Her aptly-titled Circus show kicked off in New Orleans last night with 6 costume changes, 17 songs and myriad mimes, clowns and jugglers. 

It’s her first tour since 2003, her slide into baldy loonyville, and subsequent semi-comeback. 

Here’s what the critics had to say:

LA Times disses the dancing:

“Her moves were nothing special — defined by much strutting and stripper-like shimmying, with the minimum amount of acrobatics to prove her mettle as a dance-pop queen.”

Perez Hilton victimizes her vocals:

“She lipsynchs [sic] during the entire concert. There is no live singing. None!”

People dubs it a drag:

“There was a decided lack of joy in her performance, which felt labored at times.”

MTV says the spectacle subsumed Spears: 

“The two-hour show is every set designer and choreographer’s wet dream, or nightmare, or both…Britney herself is almost dwarfed by the spectacle.”

And E! asks the eternal query:

“And, as promised, earlier in the evening Britney was cut in half. (Though the question remains: Is she whole again?)”

Here’s some video, judge for yourself:

 

****

(Image via Getty)

Jason Dumps Melissa: We Chart The Lifespan of A “Bachelor” Relationship

Last night’s season finale of The Bachelor was same old, same old. Former Dallas Cowboys cheerleader Melissa squealed as hot pappa Jason slipped a ring on her finger. The episode ended with the two of them jumping in a pool for a smoochfest.

Then, two seconds later, came the “After the Final Rose” special. And a teary eyed Jason proceeded to dump Melissa because “the chemistry had changed” and he was totes hung up on Molly, the girl he’d sent packing.

Shocker? Sure. But The Bachelor hardly has a track record for couples staying together for longer than their 15 minutes of fame. Below, exactly how long Bachelor couples have stuck it out. Any woman thinking of responding to their next casting call, beware.

Tom Selleck Inspires Cake. So Do Other Tasty Celebs.

Even Magnum P.I, couldn’t have figured this one out. Tom Selleck is suddenly relevant again. Not just relevant, but hot!

His CBS movie “Thin Ice” — starring him as small-town police chief/big-time hunk Jesse Stone — topped the ratings on Sunday with a Magnum 15.13 million viewers.

In celebration, we baked Tom a cake. Not really though. We just found a cake on the internets while searching for sexy Tom pics. And we were sad that all men can’t grow choco-sprinkle chest hair. And then we found lots of people bake lots of celebrity cakes. Which is weirdo. And then we searched for those. Photo Credit: Aliciapolicia.blogspot.com

Here’s a slice of our faves:

Jon Bon Jovi Cake: More men should wear vests…without shirts. They should work on that chocolate chest hair too. Photo Credit: Zimbio.com

Bald Britney Spears Cake: It was the best of times, it was the…what’s the other half? (Don’t we miss crazy Britney?) Photo Credit: Homesweethomewrecker.blogspot.com

Dolly Parton Cake: Most realistic portrayal of botched plastic surgery face in frosting. Photo Credit: Thecelebrationcake.co.uk

Grease Cake: Because encouraging early tabacco use is important to a child’s development…of cancer.  Photo Credit: Flickr.com

Pee Wee Herman Wedding Cake: This is creepy because the bride and groom are both Pee Wee and because someone stole my idea. Photo Credit: Flickr.com

Oprah Cake: Holy. Why does this remind us of John the Baptist? Photo Credit: bestweekever.tv

Ozzy Osbourne Cake: Let’s bite his head off! Photo Credit: Flickr.com

Obama Cake: Obama’s the hotcakes. Look at those soulful frosting eyes! Photo Credit: Flickr.com

Hannah Montana: The scariest teeth on a kids’ cake.  Photo Credit: Cakewrecks.blogspot.com

Jonas Brothers Cake: Because they are sugar-coated in real life. And delicious. Photo Credit: polyvore.com