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Proposition 8 Goes To Court. Here’s the Lay of the Gay Marriage Law.

March 5, 2009


Right now, contenders in California’s gay marriage smackdown are protesting outside of California’s Supreme Court. Why the drama?

Cali’s highest court began hearing arguments today about whether or not Proposition 8 (which bans same-sex marriage) has a straight leg to stand on.

Catch up on the controversy…

1. Prop 8 was a “ballot initiative” (a type of voting that lets citizens pass laws for themselves) that won in November by a narrow margin.

2. Before it passed, gay people could marry in California (and — shocker — the moral fabric of the state was not destroyed).

3. The campaigns for and against Proposition 8 raised over $80 million dollars, with cash coming in from the Mormon Church (pro) and Google (con).

4. After it passed, a bunch of lawsuits were filed with the state Supreme Court challenging its constitutionality. Three were accepted and arguments began today.

5. The lawyers defending gay marriage (and attacking Prop 8 ) are arguing today that the Constitution guarantees equal citizenship and that Prop 8 strips people of a “fundamental right to marry.”


ballot initiative = a way to pass laws and amendments that allows voters to chime in on everything from gay marriage to education

By the Numbers

80 million = amount spent on Prop 8 campaigns

photo credit: LA times


Britney Spears’ New Tour A “Circus,” Just Ask the Critics!

March 4, 2009


Britney, the girl we love to pity, coddle, hate, beat-up, and praise (all in the same day) is back on tour. Her aptly-titled Circus show kicked off in New Orleans last night with 6 costume changes, 17 songs and myriad mimes, clowns and jugglers. 

It’s her first tour since 2003, her slide into baldy loonyville, and subsequent semi-comeback. 

Here’s what the critics had to say:

LA Times disses the dancing:

“Her moves were nothing special — defined by much strutting and stripper-like shimmying, with the minimum amount of acrobatics to prove her mettle as a dance-pop queen.”

Perez Hilton victimizes her vocals:

“She lipsynchs [sic] during the entire concert. There is no live singing. None!”

People dubs it a drag:

“There was a decided lack of joy in her performance, which felt labored at times.”

MTV says the spectacle subsumed Spears: 

“The two-hour show is every set designer and choreographer’s wet dream, or nightmare, or both…Britney herself is almost dwarfed by the spectacle.”

And E! asks the eternal query:

“And, as promised, earlier in the evening Britney was cut in half. (Though the question remains: Is she whole again?)”

Here’s some video, judge for yourself:



(Image via Getty)

Nation Hot For Michelle Obama’s Bare, Buxom…Arms?

March 3, 2009

Michelle Obama Portrait

Ok, Michelle Obama likes a sleeveless dress, and we would too if our arms looked like that. Claps to the lack of uggums on first lady gear.

Still, the skintillating nature of her fashion choices screams scandal for some. Jaws dropped last Tuesday when she wore a sleeveless Narciso Rodriguez dress to her hubby’s pseudo-State Of The Union. Her official White House portrait slips her into the limbpossibly hot Michael Kors number pictured above. Then came Friday’s biceptacular People cover…

Everyone’s up in arms:

The New York Times hates:

“If she keeps going at this rate, Mrs. Obama may do to dresses with sleeves what President John F. Kennedy did to men’s hats,” wrote Jodi Kantor on the Caucus blog, opining the end of formal male headgear.

Bonnie Fuller (former Editor-in-Chief of US Weekly, Glamour, Cosmopolitan, Marie Claire, YM) defends: 

“Is Michelle Obama supposed to wear a burka? Since when are a woman’s arms considered an erogenous zone here in America?”

Since CNN’s curmudgeonly reporter Jack Cafferty not-so-subtly lusted:

“Her arms are becoming the stuff of legend. Who appears sleeveless on the cover of Vogue, let alone in front of a joint session of Congress while her husband delivers one of the most important speeches of his life? And the reviews were rave.”

And Chicago Tribune reporter Wendy Donahue linked Michelle’s arms to the economy:

“In many ways it’s the perfect accessory for the times. They cost nothing except maybe a gym membership or a couple of 15-pound hand weights. Those toned arms are the envy of every woman, not just 45-year-old women, but 25-year-old women.”

Middle-Aged Broads in Bikinis

January 30, 2009

Do you ever see older ladies at the beach and wonder: “Dude, I don’t have this body at 26, how come they get it at 60?” Well we do. Today we were again reminded that the expectation of a “beach body” goes well into your fifties as Angelica Huston romped around in the Caribbean. Here’s our ode to the broads that still strut their bikini-clad stuff in middle age (in age descending order):

Helen Mirren Bikini Last June, 63-year-old Helen Mirren hit the beach in a raucous hot-pink bikini and we almost died. She has serious ab definition, no cellulite, and most importantly, so awesome boobs. Kinda makes us wanna see Calendar Girls.
57-year-old Angelica Huston hit the beach this week in a little black number that made us wikipedia her. We found out she has no kids, which makes us feel better, cause no one deserves to win the genetic lottery that hard core. article-1132185-033ce5cc000005dc-887_468x2861
Janice Dickinson 53-year-old Janice Dickinson has had everything nipped, tucked, sucked, pinched, injected, and implanted that is humanly possible. She’s a character and she’s honest about it, so we kinda dig her. Also, she has a show on Oxygen that we love, cause the lady of the house is bat-shiz crazy.
46-year-old Marla Maples is by far the youngest of the group, and (apparently) the most patriotic. Wrapped in an American flag, she strutted her stuff for the camera, and maybe for that famous ex everyone loves to hate. You go, Marla Maples. marla-maples-bikini070302

Zimbabwe: What’s Up With That?

January 28, 2009

Everyday we open the paper to see a slew of seriously sad stories about Zimbabwe. Today:

  • Zimbabwe cholera deaths top 3,000
  • Zimbabwe’s Education System Crippled on First School Day
  • Zimbabwe Stock Exchange Closed Indefinitely
  • So what’s going on over there?

    Zimbabwe is ruled by Robert Mugabe, a man generously described as a president (more like a dictator), who is a big time human rights violator and a big time U.S. enemy. Since coming to power…

  • The life expectancy for Zimbabwean men has dropped to 37 years and for women, dropped to 34, the lowest for any nation.
  • The average annual income has fallen from US$950 to US$400.
  • He has outlawed homosexuality, calling gays “worse than dogs or pigs.”
  • He’s helped ravage the Congo for natural resources.
  • He has stolen land from commercial farms and given it to his cronies.
  • He has compared himself to Hitler saying, “This Hitler has only one objective: justice for his people, sovereignty for his people, recognition of the independence of his people and their rights over their resources. If that is Hitler, then let me be a Hitler tenfold.”
  • Zimbabwe is currently experiencing a hard currency shortage (aka it has no cash), which has led to hyperinflation (the highest in the world at 11,250,000%) and chronic fuel shortages. 

    Most people see these tragedies as the result of governmental incompetence/corruption and the AIDS epidemic. Not Mugabe, he thinks it’s a “a sophisticated conspiracy of white people and white nations to discredit the country’s black run government.”

    True, there are serious trade sanctions against Zimbabwe emanating from the West, but the U.S. and Britain try not to deal with people who rig elections. In fact, President Obama wants to intensify these sanctions in order to get Mugabe out of office. 

    Right now the country is in limbo: Morgan Tsvangirai, the man Mugabe stole the presidential election from, has worked out a tentative power sharing deal with his foe, making him the Prime Minister and Mugabe the Pres. But it’s all shaky and the country is going to hell in the meantime.

    John Coleman Crossed the Drum Line

    January 28, 2009

    John Coleman

    Ohio firefighter and marching band member, John Coleman, quit his position as drum major today after being suspended from the musical group for nodding and waving to President Obama during last week’s inauguration parade.

    Cleveland Firefighter’s Memorial Pipes and Drums was one of dozens of bands to march in the parade. All members were told that gestures are not cool during a military parade, but Coleman said Obama did it first and it would’ve been rude not to wave back. (Video of the wave is available here.)

    Coleman faced a six month suspension (from the band not the firefighting force), but said he didn’t want to return because there were “too many bridges burned with the pipe band, too many hurt feelings on both sides.”

    I can hear the sad lament of a French horn now.

    If Obama waved and smiled at you, what would you do?

    Self Love Is Awesome for You

    January 28, 2009

    Hey boys, remember when your mom used to tell you that if you masturbated too much you’d go blind? No? Blocked that one out, did ya? Well, turns out the mental scarring is the only thing you should be worried about, cause masturbation is good for you when you reach your 50s. (Thank the good, freaky lord.)

    According to researchers at the University of Nottingham, masturbation helps remove toxins that have built up over a lifetime, decreasing a man’s risk for prostate cancer. Let’s give the medical community a hand!

    Unfortunately, this may have a reverse effect on the young: men who masturbate more than 20 times a month in their twenties have a higher risk of prostate cancer. Then again, in 2003, Australian team proved the exact OPPOSITE, finding that men who masturbated more in their 20s were LESS likely to develop prostate cancer.  (Do scientists just want reasons to twiddle their test tubes?) 

    But enough about the men, let’s focus on the ladies. According to 18th Century physicians, women who tickled their fancies experienced hysteria, jaundice, and epileptic fits. Turns out this is all bunk. In fact, masturbation builds resistance to yeast infections, helps reduce the effects of PMS, eases chronic back pain, helps you sleep, and builds stronger pelvic muscles. Right hand on!

    News Haiku: Racial Justice

    January 27, 2009


    Connecticut judge
    Calls cop “negro trooper” yikes!
    She was “drunk” (racist).

    Read more about the “Honorable” Curtissa Cofield here.

    News Haiku: The “Wrestler”mania

    January 27, 2009


    Mickey Rourke is old,
    Evan Rachel Wood is not,
    They have the sex? Gross.

    Read more about the creepy couple here.

    Obama to Arabs: Let’s Spend the Night Together (on Arabic TV)

    January 27, 2009


    Obama gave his first televised interview since becoming president yesterday. Which network did he choose for the honor? Al Arabiya–the Arabic satellite network with an audience of 23 million across the MidEast. Now we know there’s been a little tension between the U.S. and the Arab world over the past, oh let’s say eight years, and Cowboy George wasn’t so much into diplomacy as he was to blowin’ shiz up and talkin’ funny, so we’ve got some work to do.

    What did our fearless leader have to say?

  • “Americans are not your enemy.” Phew, glad he got that one out of the way, cause I was not aching for another fight. said in response that, “Obama seems intent on winning over the Arab world, to bolster U.S. credibility in pushing his Middle East policy, by leveraging his personal popularity on the Muslim street based largely on his Muslim roots and underdog image and by effectively campaigning for support among Muslims as he did for American voters.” In other words, Muslims and Arabs will swoon for that lanky designer-clad bod, and goofy smile as much as we did. And, hey, Michelle’s a fox in any language.
  • “We sometimes make mistakes. We have not been perfect. But if you look at the track record, as you say, America was not born as a colonial power, and that the same respect and partnership that America had with the Muslim world as recently as 20 or 30 years ago, there’s no reason why we can’t restore that. And that I think is going to be an important task.” Wow. Admitting our country isn’t always perfect is change indeed, but frankly we thought he should’ve been more specific: “Britney post Federline was a mistake, as was giving the Oscar to Crash.”
  • “[Al Qaeda] seem nervous. What that tells me is that their ideas are bankrupt.” Good, great, awesome, cause they’ve been making me nervous for oh about eight years and I’d love to turn the tables on those dudes. In his last audio tape, bin Laden said Obama carried a “heavy inheritance” from George Bush, trying to push the international Bush-bashing over to a new administration. But the world is having none of that as Obama’s approval ratings are through the roof…even in Iraq.