New Nelly, Mayer and Osbournes Variety Shows? Boob Tube, For Real.

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Ed Sullivan, Bob Hope, Carol Burnett, Sonny and Cher—these variety show hosts get us waxing all nostalgic. So…we’re super skeptical about the slew of new variety shows popping off next season. Nelly, John Mayer, and the Osbournes? This is must-see TV?

The show premises sound self-indulgent and a little like nails on a chalkboard as a chainsaw hacks off our hands. Still, erm, maybe they’ll be cool? Here’s what we know.

john-mayer

The Show: A John Mayer variety show, name to be determined. Right now it’s a one-time special, but CBS is talking about making it a regular series.

The Schtick: Big duh, there will be lots of songs. And yes, his body will be a wonderland. But more than music and sinewy muscles, John fancies himself a comedian. He once did a VH1 special where he dressed up like a bear and annoyed people outside one of his shows. Which actually sounds…annoying?

The Saving Grace: If he gets Jennifer Aniston up in that piece, cool. If he jello wrestles Brad Pitt, hot.

 

the-osbournes

The Show: “The Osbournes: Reloaded,”  premiering on Fox this spring.

The Schtick:  A redux of MTV’s “The Osbournes”—minus the dog poop episodes. The show will feature Ozzy, Sharon, Kelly, and Jack chatting with celebrity guests (Pam Anderson in the first episode), playing music, and pulling pranks on audience members. But Fox swears the show will be, “family friendly.” Bloody f*%kin’ better be!

The Saving Grace: Fingers crossed the show is less Sharon giving sappy advice, and more Ozzy biting off bat heads.

 

nelly-in-vegas

The Show“Nelly’s Night in Vegas,” filmed at Planet Hollywood.

The Schtick: Weekly episodes in which Mr. “Hot in Herre”  interviews celebs (perhaps ex-girlfriend Ashanti or rumored new flame Joss Stone?) and gambles. Oh, and showgirls shake their derrty apple bottoms. Obvs, as Nelly’s the guy behind Pimp Juice.

The Saving Grace: It’s being made the creators of “The Daily Show” and “The Biggest Loser.” And we love those shows.

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