Self Love Is Awesome for You

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Hey boys, remember when your mom used to tell you that if you masturbated too much you’d go blind? No? Blocked that one out, did ya? Well, turns out the mental scarring is the only thing you should be worried about, cause masturbation is good for you when you reach your 50s. (Thank the good, freaky lord.)

According to researchers at the University of Nottingham, masturbation helps remove toxins that have built up over a lifetime, decreasing a man’s risk for prostate cancer. Let’s give the medical community a hand!

Unfortunately, this may have a reverse effect on the young: men who masturbate more than 20 times a month in their twenties have a higher risk of prostate cancer. Then again, in 2003, Australian team proved the exact OPPOSITE, finding that men who masturbated more in their 20s were LESS likely to develop prostate cancer.  (Do scientists just want reasons to twiddle their test tubes?) 

But enough about the men, let’s focus on the ladies. According to 18th Century physicians, women who tickled their fancies experienced hysteria, jaundice, and epileptic fits. Turns out this is all bunk. In fact, masturbation builds resistance to yeast infections, helps reduce the effects of PMS, eases chronic back pain, helps you sleep, and builds stronger pelvic muscles. Right hand on!

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