Pope Sez Prayer New Ways=Cool

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popeThe Catholic Church isn’t doing so hot these days. Mass attendance is down, you can hardly hear the word “priest” without part of your brain thinking “pedophile,” and in a recent survey of Catholic college students, more than half fessed up to having premarital sex in the past year.

But ‘ol Popey isn’t letting the stats get them down, he’s got God on his side! Here are some recent efforts by the Vatican to up its cool factor and bring flocks of youngins back into the fold:

  • The Vatican YouTube channel. Sure, you won’t find sneezing baby pandas or skateboarding bulldogs on it (and let’s face it, that’s what you really want), but you can find clips of Benedict XV1 reading papal announcements, giving holiday masses, and just generally rocking his big ole gold crown. Um, must-see PopeTV?
  • Giving Facebook, MySpace, cell phones and Blackberrys the thumbs up. In a message written to celebrate World Communication Day last week, his holiness proclaimed the following: “These new digital technologies…are truly a gift to humanity.” I wonder if he then poked Archbishop Edward M. Egan and texted his fave prelate: “Jesus Rulz, LOL!”
  • Branching out into graphic novels. In 2007, the Church created its very own comic book, complete with priests playing pool and nuns surfing the web. The idea? To show teenagers that joining the clergy doesn’t doom them to live in the stone age. We’ll wait for the blockbuster film adaptation, staring Mel “Jesus-is-my-homie” Gibson.
  • Forgiving John Lennon. Way back in 1966, John Lennon made an offhanded remark that the Beatles were bigger than Jesus. Radio stations instantly banned their songs, and Pope Paul the VI was not at all amused. But last November—exactly 40 years later—the church finally decided to forgive him. Hate to bring this up, but, um, he’s no longer with us.
  • Getting into sports. Two weeks ago, the Pope met with an Italian football delegation. After playing with a soccer ball, he said, “I’d like the game of football to be a vehicle for the education of the values of honesty, solidarity and fraternity.” That’s the goal.
  • Picking Apple. The Pope is reportedly a big iPod fan, ever since he received a nano as a gift in 2006. His favorite tracks—Beethoven, Mozart, and Chopin. We’re saying a rosary that he’s just a few downloads away from Lil Wayne and Brits.

*****

WordUp:

prelate = a high ranking member of the clergy

By the Numbers:

40 = the number of years it took the Catholic Church to forgive John Lennon for saying the Beatles were bigger than Jesus

2006 = the year the Pope got an iPod

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One Response to “Pope Sez Prayer New Ways=Cool”

  1. Abortion Smackdown: Obama V. Pope « TheFakeScan Says:

    […] cheering, however, was the iPod-loving Pope. The Vatican immediately declared the act “arrogant” and the new president to be “a […]

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