Caroline Kennedy to Spend More Time with her Drunk Family

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After months of networking, self-promotion, dinners with Al Sharpton in Harlem, meet and greets with the media elite, etc, etc, etc, Caroline Kennedy has mysteriously withdrawn her name from consideration for the New York Senate seat left vacant by Hillary Clinton. (By the way, Hils was confirmed yesterday, we officially have no second senator, let’s get a move on, Paterson!)

So what happened? There’s lots of speculation and very little fact which means we’re left with all sorts of conspiracy theories. Here’s what everyone is saying:

  • YET, Caroline herself cites a “pressing personal matter unrelated to her uncle’s health” as the reason for her exit. But that’s what everyone says when they get caught with a tranny hooker in the parking lot of a Wendy’s. (Ooh please let there have been a tranny hooker in Camelot!)
  • The New York Post says she dropped out cause New York Governor David Paterson wasn’t going to pick her. They say he was “unimpressed with the daughter of John F. Kennedy in media interviews and in private sessions with various officials.” OUCH.
  • Paterson says he “made no decision that would provoke her to leave.” But honestly, would he tell us if he had?
  • The Daily News reports that up until yesterday Paterson was telling people he was going to appoint her. (She has been the obvious front-runner this whole time, why would he pull his support now?)

So who will be the next junior senator from New York?

The Daily News says Representative Kirsten Gillibrand, who weirdly worked with the Post’s pick State Attorney General Andrew Cuomo during the Clinton Administration (he was Secretary of Housing and Urban Development, she was Special Counsel).   Either way, the Senator will face stiff opposition from Republican Congressman Peter King when the seat goes back on the market in two years.

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