Yes We Scan: Inaugural TV Part 2

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Eeeeee! Almost. Time!!!!

Got your champagne on ice and noisemakers at the ready? The kickoff to the century’s biggest party begins bright and early on Tuesday.

If you can’t make it to the National Mall, here’s a line up of must-see TV that will put you in front row for Barack’s big day. (All times are Eastern)

7:30a-10a: The Today Show talks inaugural balls and gowns; Michael Eric Dyson, Tavis Smiley, and TD Jakes discuss race and politics

10a: All real networks start broadcasting the inaugural ceremony, except for FOX which will air the “Get-your-man-to-marry-you plan” episode of Tyra.

  1. The ceremony kicks off with performances by the United States Marine Band, the San Francisco Boys Chorus and the San Francisco Girls Chorus. Followed by the call to order and welcoming remarks by Senator Dianne Feinstein. Then the fireworks begin…
  2. Rick Warren, evangelical pastor, author of “The Promise Driven Life” and notorious gay-disliker, gives the invocation. This has caused quite a stir amongst progressives who feel Obama is cowtowing to the Religious Right. Gay advocates promise protests. We promise some good TV.
  3. Next: Aretha Franklin, she’s less controversial but def sexier.

11:30a: Vice president-elect Joe Biden is sworn in by Supreme Court justice (and liberal heartthrob) John Paul Stevens. Followed by some classical music performed by some white dudes and Yo-Yo Ma.

12p: Ding! Ding! Ding! President-elect Barack Obama takes the oath of office (on Abraham Lincoln’s inaugural Bible–heeyyyy), sworn in by Supreme Court Chief Justice John Roberts. (Fun fact: You don’t have to be sworn in by a justice, Calvin Coolidge was sworn in by his dad.)

The oath reads:

“I do solemnly swear (or affirm) that I will faithfully execute the Office of the President of the United States, and will to the best of my Ability, preserve, protect and defend the Constitution of the United States [so help me God]”

“So help me God” isn’t really part of it, but most presidents stick it on anyway, cause, hey, Washington did it!

After that, President Barack Obama gives his inaugural address (prepare to be blown!), after which poet Elizabeth Alexander will do her thing and Black pastor Joseph Lowery, 87, a friend of Martin Luther King and who founded the Southern Christian Leadership Conference in 1957, will give the closing prayer. Phew.

1p: Obama abandons us to go have lunch with some Congressmen, but not before he receives his first congratulatory gift: A briefcase containing the launch codes for U.S. nuclear missiles. Partay.

2p: Obama will once again be viewable on television (thank god!): He’ll lead a parade from Congress down Pennsylvania Avenue to the White House. 13,000 Individuals representing more than 90 organizations will march with him along with 217 horses.

7p: The Obamas attend the first of ten balls they’ll party at til 3a. We’re not invited! Boo!

10p: Tune into MTV for coverage of their “Be the Change” ball. Hopefully some drunk VJ will admit they dont know what the party’s for.

11p: Daily Show broadcasts live! It’ll be bittersweet as we say goodbye to the show’s glory days (aka Bush administration) and usher in a possible post-humor era.

And if you party all night, sweet television will be there on Wednesday morning to tell you what you missed while you were drunk in the streets, beating your chest and screaming “Yes We Can!”

7a: Wake up and go on the internets to look at pics of Adrian Grenier, Maggie Gyllenhaal, Anne Hathaway, Spike Lee, Susan Sarandon, Kerry Washington, Wyclef, Tom Hanks, Halle Berry and Kenneth Cole (to name a few) partying it up the night before. (Let’s hope the get boozy.)

12p: Robert Gibbs holds first White House press briefing of new administration. The party is over but is the honeymoon?

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