Not Getting Laid on Purpose


Today ABC News profiled David Jay, the public face of the asexuality movement. He wants the world to know it’s ok to have no interest in sex,  so in 2001, he founded AVEN–The Asexuality and Visibility Network.

(This is not to be confused with AVN, the Adult Video News Media Network, which is, um, the total opposite.)

The group’s main goal is to have asexuality classified as an orientation and not a psychological disorder. “We need to have more discussion about how people can not have sex and still be happy,” says Jay. “Why does sex matter so much?”

Now don’t get them wrong. Asexuals do “pair-bond”–have intimate relationships that do not include sex–but are often forced to do so within their own community. If asexuals date sexuals things can get sticky (in a purely metaphorical sense).

This hits home with me for two reasons:

1) I have gone for long periods without sex and pretended it was intentional.

2) I went to college with David Jay.

I didn’t know him well, he seemed friendly, what I do remember is that he was never without rollerblades. He went everywhere on them. When he was told he couldn’t graduate in them he had to take them off during the diploma-handing-out section of the ceremony, with thousands of sweltering family members watching. He didn’t seem fazed.

Maybe that’s the point: We spend so much time and energy thinking about, having, preparing to have, and trying to look good to have sex that we get all riled up and miss out on the bigger picture: meaningful connections and serenity.

Then again, I’m willing trade those for some hot, sweaty, raunchy, steamy anything.


WordUP: Pair-bond: all the crap of a relationship without the sex. Possible synonym for hell.


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